Happy Mother's Day Mamma

Happy Mother’s Day Mamma!

This woman has taught me so much about who I want to be and who I don’t want to be… at one time she was my mommy, she will always be my mamma.

From the very beginning this woman has gone her own way (that’s who I get it from). When she was pregnant with me and my dad left her and me, my grandparents told my mom to put me up for adoption.

She didn’t.  She knew she wanted a better life for herself and me, so she went to college. My grandparents called CPS and said my mom was neglecting me. She wasn’t. See my mom was raised being told all she “would amount to would be a house wife.” That’s what she was told her whole life. She didn’t want that. She wanted more than what she saw her mother have. She did it. She was the first in her family to graduate college.

She taught me how to have fun. She was the first person to teach me how to ride a horse. I don’t even remember the first time being on a horse, because as soon as I could sit upright she had me on one (this one) with her.

Even though we were po’ not poor, but po’ because we were so po’ we couldn’t afford the ‘or in poor, I didn’t know it. We had fun. My mom did what she could to create this magical moments from going to the beach, to bike rides, playing at the park, skiing, etc. Then when things were financially easier having a yearly birthday trip, spending time in on me of my happy place Southern California, Donner Lake, etc.
she supported me through my time of skiing and when racing to beat my own record. The hell with the person I was racing, I raced to beat my record. And she was the first person I’d see, actually hear at the finish line. She supported my dance, which I will be eternally grateful for, since that’s how I met my best friend. All at the same time while working 4 jobs, because teachers don’t get paid squat!

As I grew we became a bit distant and I now know it’s what she needed to save her sanity, herself with what we went through. She immersed herself into hang gliding. At the time it annoyed the crap out of me. Waking up hearing that FM Radio for the weather report. Sometimes feeling stuck with her, when I wanted to be with friends. Eventually being her driver, so I could get my car insurance paid for, until I found out how inexpensive it was and I started babysitting. I look back and she was a true definition of a badass! My mom was the best female pilot on the West Coast, besides a professional female pilot. That’s freaking awesome. But it doesn’t surprise me.

See as a kid my mom was raised with 5 brothers and she also had my grandfather tell her she couldn’t do what she wanted, because she’s a girl. Well that lit her fire! She was also told by one person she couldn’t learn to hang glide in the Sierra Nevada’s. Wrong thing to tell this woman. She was the first to learn there and kick ass doing it!

My mom and I have had friction. It hasn’t always been easy. In fact one of my times in need (my divorce), when I really needed her support the Universe did for me what I couldn’t see or do. We didn’t talk. It was the best thing for me. I learned self love, boundaries, self respect and I can say our relationship is in a good place.

My mom is no longer that bad ass in the ways she used to be. She’s a badass in a whole new way. My mom has a new discovery in life. My mom has brain lesions and went through brain surgery 3 years ago. I have sadly witnessed this strong kickass woman lose parts of her. I have also witnessed a woman I never thought I would ever see. Through my journey my mom has learned more patience, self love, etc. Through her journey she’s living more presently and in the flow. At on point my mom read Spirit Junkie and said, “Stephie I get it. I get your journey and how hard it must’ve been for you and I am so proud of the woman you are today.”  That meant everything to me for so many reasons.

Our relationship now is more open, loving and very reachable for me. I would not be the woman I am today without all of the experiences with this woman I call Mom or Mamma❤